Monday, September 19, 2011

"tolak rezeki" or "tolak bala"

Heres a situation…

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A couple confronted us and offered us their un-born child…
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Without hesitation, I declined the offer…
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Reason being…

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1) We both know the family background of the couple and their family…truthfully I don’t fancy having any relation with them after what they had done to my family…and no, its not a small matter…up to the extent, my mum was admitted to the hospital just becoz of their doing! Yes mmg I simpan dendam, but that’s not the only reason…
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2) We know the family quite well especially when it comes to monetary issue…bile masuk bab duit, tetibe boley jadi giler! For that, I foresee that there will be unnecessary headache in the future…I was told stories on some of the adopting parents asyik2 kene kacau by the maternal parents…they know where u live, they know ur contact number…they know ur family members…usual case, slalu kene kacau nk mintak duit…even after adopted parents dah ikhlas bg RMXX,000 consolation pon still kacau lagie…ade tue sampai kene pindah rumah, change contact number bagai just nak avoid from being interfered…some of them lagie kesian sampai involve lawyer coz tak tahan sangat kene kacau je slalu…
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3) From reason no.2 also I foresee unnecessary heartache…I was told that when adopting, the maternal parents can always request / get back their child within 2 years of adoption period..so within that 2 years, maternal parents can always change their decision nak ambil balik their baby…n within that 2 years, for sure we have developed our love with the baby…n knowing the family fickle mindedness, there is a potential that we will go thru this heartache sooner or later…
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So now u tell me,

am I

“TOLAK REZEKI” or “TOLAK BALA”

???

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for those yg adopting, pls pls share with me...

if takmo share it here, u can always email me at baizurahnur@yahoo.com

:)

24 comment(s):

zailamohamad said...

i just nak share pengalaman kakak i..dia ada ambil anak angkat..masa tu baru kahwin dalam beberapa tahun tp masih xdapat anak so husben dia suggest untuk ambil anak angkat..masa tu kebetulan kakak i ada baik ngan police officer perempuan yang uruskan kes budak kn rogol segala so nak dijadikan cerita kakak i ambil ibu pd anak yg bakal lahir ni & jaga di rumah kakak i sampailah budak tu giving birth kt klinik swasta..lepas setahun kakak i disahkan preggy & lepas tu dia ada dapat sorang lagi..

ok, nk cerita pasal famili anak angkat kakak i ni, lepas je bersalin memang terus mak dia balik ke pangkuan keluarga & sampai skrg pun i tak tahu diorang kat mana dah sebab lama dah lost contact ngan mak dia kan..cuma sekarang ni anak angkat kakak i dah masuk 12 thn n kakak i ada masalah sket dalam nak buat ic anak angkatnya..sekarang ni kakak i kat Labuan so nak kena bawa anak angkatnya & cari balik ibu kandung untuk buat surat sumpah ke hape, i pon tak tahu..so kesimpulannya agak rumit juga proses nak ambil anak angkat ni
tapi i tgk kakak i walaupun ada anak kandung sendiri tapi dia xpernah membeza2kan kasih sayang antara anak2nya, in fact kami memang dah anggap macam a part of our family dah..ayah i memang terlebih sayang dekat anak buah i tu sebab memikirkan nasib dia yang ditinggalkan ibu..tapi kakak i memang tak rahsiakan dr anak angkatnya yang dia actually ada ibu kandung di Ampang..mungkin 1 hr nanti dia akan terdetik untuk berjumpa dengan ibu kandungnya..mana tahu kan..cuma tulah..bila dah besar nanti harap2 tiada masalah bila anak buah i ni nak kahwin since kami pun tak tahu mana pergi bapak kandungnya..
herm, sedih pula bila difikirkan..apa-apa pun i nasihatkan kalau betul u nak ambil anak angkat, carilah anak buah sendiri (darah daging sendiri) & kalau boleh carilah yang lelaki bukan perempuan sebab kalau pompuan ni akan timbul masala bila dia nak kahwin nanti

sorry kalau komen panjang sangat..hehehe

selamat hari raya buat u & MrDoc;)

Anonymous said...

hmm... i pun kekadang terpikir camtu jugak. i wanted to adopt tapi takut benda2 mcm tu berlaku esp once u dah fell deeply in luv dgn ur 'anak angkat' then the parents nak claim balik! i dont think i can handle that....

DaZzlingLilLy said...

rasanya tindakan u dah betul verde..bukan mudah nak besarkan anak angkat..lagi2 u dah kenal family dia camna..lain lah kalo u amik anak sedara sendiri ker utk u jaga..itu lagi ok..

reena said...

Dari u citer, imho, u tolak bala. Better avoid dari awal sebelim pape terjadi.

-nani- said...

salam to LV~ni just pndapat sy...betul sgt tindakan awk tu...bukan tolak rezeki..but tolak bala...one of my fren skang adopt child from a couples...dia pon skang tgh sakit kpla nk lari dr keluarga budak tu sekali ngn datuk nenek dorg...
dorg asik mintak duit..mentng2 diorg tau yg kwn ai tu berduit la jugak..my fren ni siap nak bwk baby dia g dok oversea jer...tp xleh buat bordepass...even ade surat sumpah ke akujanji ntah...

Rinah said...

Takpe lar sis. Nanti ada gak rezeki sis. Dah ada negatif reason, sis tolak pun takpe.

Anonymous said...

Salam,

i nak share with you pasal my sister yang ada anak angkat. masalah masa 1st & 2nd year dulu tu memang ada with the orang tengah and the mother itself, dah bagi dgn ikhlas tiba2 nak details anak kononnya utk proses beli insurance.lepas tu sure nak macam2 kan, mana nak tahu kalau tiba2 dia ubah fikiran kan bila tengok anak tu dah besar, comel, bijak..

my sister pun pernah kena ugut pasal tuntutan anak, tindakan undang2 and etc. masa tu we all (the family + the baby sitter) memang pay extra attention just in case if anything happened to the child. tapi Alhamdullilah sampai sekarang semuanya masih lagi selamat.

about the tuntutan anak tu, my sister memang tak diamkan diri dan ikut je apa yang diaorang nak. sebab kita memang ikut peraturan yang betul (jabatan kebajikan masyarakat) ada surat penyerahan anak and all the supporting documents. for info, walau pun kita dapat anak angkat/ ambil anak angkat melalui individum, kita masih je boleh report to welfare untuk proses seterusnya.

dan Alhamdullilah sekarang tak ada siapa yang kacau, my sister pun tak pernah tukar nombor phone, pindah rumah atau pun pindah kerja.

berbalik pada entry you tu, pada pendapatan i you tak tolak rezeki pun, ya ambil anak angkat tu rezeki dari Allah tapi bukan lagi menjadi rezeki kalau ia mendatangkan keburukan di kemudian hari.

salam aidilfitri
Leah

Anonymous said...

Salam,

my sister ambil anak angkat melalui individu juga, Alhamdullilah tak ada masalah. tapi ada satu info yang i nak share kat sini, kalau ambil anak angkat, still kita boleh report to welfare (jabatan kebajikan masyarakat) so dalam proses nak report tu nanti kita akan ada buat surat penyerahan anak or they called it surat sumpah dari ibu kandung ke keluarga angkat. dan ada beberapa dokumen lagi yang ibu kandung kena sign sebelum kita submit ke welfare. dan anak buah i tu ada surat beranak yang sah tapi with status anak angkat dalam surat beranak tu.

Alhamdullilah mungkin rezeki sister i agaknya sebab memang tak ada masalah apa2 dan dia dah lepas pun dari penyeliaan jabatan kebajikan masyarat masa anak tu berumur 2/3 tahun.

tapi utk masalah you tu, memang anak tu rezeki dari Allah you yu guys, tapi kalau mendatangkan masalah, lebih baik tolak. tak salah pun kan

Jlia

Liyana said...

From your explaination, i agree with u. Perkara boleh elak, elak lah. Perhaps better if ada baby yatim piatu ke. Doa byk2 agar ditujukkan pilihan terbaik. Just my opinion..

Konot said...

salam LV,

am yr silent reader.. :)

i'm sure, you and mr doc dah think of all the possible consequences and you have made the right decision. benda yang kita tau boleh elak, kita avoid lah kan?

i pray moga semua urusan you dipermudahkan.. :)

mar!ahaf!z said...

kak baizurah..

i think u made a right dec. kalau nak amek anak angkat. better amek anak yatim piatu ke.. lagi besar pahala :) lagipun takdela masalah keluarga nak tuntut.. moga ada rezeki soon yeah..

croft said...

nak share jugak...ni pengalaman mak mertua i.

asalnya, mak mertua i jaga la anak org ni...jaga hari2 tu. dr kecik umur 4 bulan camtu jaga sampai besar, sampai mcm dah sayang sgt. Tapi maknya ambik kesempatan, memula tinggal sekejap, lama2 tinggal terus. Duduk rumah flat, bukannya tak tau rumah mana pun, tapi anaknya tinggal kat org. So, dr budak ni kalau duduk dengan mak dia pun ntah jadi apa, mak i amik la tinggal terus, sekolahkan bagai.

Masalahnya, mak bapak dia berpisah. So, masing2 salahkan masing2, depan anak. Anak jadi keliru, memberontak. Sbb bila cuti sekolah, kejap mak ambik, duduk dgn bapak tiri. Kejap kang, bapak amik, duduk ngan mak tiri. Dr budak yg baik, boleh diharap(masa sekolah rendah) sekarang ni jadi nakal sangat. mungkin nak melepaskan perasaan tak boleh. berkawan dgn budak2 sekolah tak tentu arah. Memang payah nak dinasihat. Mak pun bukannya sihat sangat. Mmg I tak setuju sangat, ingat biar la dia ikut mak bapak dia atau nenek dia sekali pun, tapi nak buat camne, diorg tak mau. Ada jugak org kata, kalau dr keturunan tu tak berapa elok, kita bela la macamana elok pun, mungkin dia jadi seperti asalnya. Itula, sy tak berapa setuju kalau amik anak angkat, kita jumpakan dengan keluarga dia masa dia peringkat membesar. Patutnya, biarlah bila dia besar, dia cari sendiri. Masa tu dia dah boleh berpikir sendiri.

ish, panjang giler...sorry ye

mrsjon said...

U dh tolak bala...don wori, u've made a right decision...org mcm kite ni mmg la kemaruk nk anak tp kite sentiasa diberi pilihan kan...I ni tahap kalo jumpa baby tepi jalan pon I nk amek, anyway I masih waras...byk faktor kena pikir...lagi la if u mmg dh tau latarbelakang couple tu...wat pe nk tempah bala kan? So...u buat pilihan tepat, kite xblh simply nk amek anak angkat, byk cerita nnt dikemudian hari tu yg paling ditakuti

GjOe_aZy said...

salam..

saya ni silent reader..just nak share..bagi saya..nak pilih anak angkat kena tengok keturunan dia macam mana dulu..saya cikgu..saya da tengok pelbagai ragam anak angkat..ada yang perangai macam-macam..rupanya diorang tak selidik dulu before ambil anak angkat tu..jadi redha jela walaupun perangai macam-macam sebab da jaga dari kecil..bukanlah bermaksud semua anak angkat tu teruk..tak..tapi kena selidik keturunan ngan keluarga la..kalau rasa tak berkenan dengan keluarga kandung budak tu, better jangan..

saya doakan yang terbaik untuk anda berdua..

linziana said...

Gjoe azy, saya tak setuju awak cakap macam tu nak nak awak cikgu.Anak secara lahiriah dilahirkan suci , ibarat kain putih yang belum diconteng apa-apa pun.Tidak boleh berperansangka sedemikian walau apa sekalipun.bukankah awak pendidik anak bangsa ?Biar apa pun keturunannya secara fitrahnya mereka tak berdosa.Keadaan persekitaran dan cara didikan mungkin harus di tilik balik barangkali.

To u Verde, Insyaallah , me doakan semoga u dikurniakan rezeki zuriat ini nanti.Moga-moga u akan mendapat yang terbaik.

KS said...

Salam verde,

I rasa u dah buat keputusan yang betul. :-) *hugs*

SyiRa aLiMi said...

Assalamualaikum..
LV.. pendapat i la kan.. u just ikut kata hati jer.. kalo hati rasa cam berat jer better tak payah kot.. Kdg2 jawapan 1st yg terlintas kat hati kita tu la jawapan yg tepat.. Insyaallah semoga u dapat buat keputusan dgn bijak.. ;) Kalo confuse sgt solat istikharah la jawapannya.. take care sis... ;)

hana.basri said...

verde yg ku sayang~~ for me, its not tolak bala or even u r not tolak rezeki. its more towards a dugaan for you in deciding your path. what u have decided is excellant for this point of time. always seek keredhaan dan pertolongan Allah (istikharah/hajat) in any of your decision especially related to membesarkan anak coz you are going to raise a khalifah in this world and it aint small thing babe~ just put this condition as the "time is not right" yet. sooner or later, you will find the best kiddo whom are not given by their parents for them to let go and for you to love but rather i pray for you to meet that kiddo whom meant by Allah to be raise by u + mr doc and may your path is far away than being hunted by this kiddo's past, insyaAllah... u go girl!

Anonymous said...

salam..

1st - you've made a good & wise decision for not taking the baby from a family that you've known the background very well (knowing that you will face problems in future)

2nd - i'm a mother who is adopting to a very beatiful girl. she is with me since 2 days old till now (3 1/2 years). i've no problem in raising her even though i didn't know background of her family. her mother is a Christian, left with no husband and alone in KL. she was handed to me by her own mother.

3rd - a borned child is like 'kain putih'. we are the one that draw and color their life. don't ever blame the background of the child's family for the child behavior/attitude. it is US that create the child, bad or good it is US. if the child is raised to become a good person then we have successed but if the child is raised and became a bad person, then we have failed. like me, i've taken her from a christian mother, i didn't know the parents, i met the mother once (the day she handed her daugther to me), i didn't even know her father's name and alhamdulillah i've raised her to be a good person & muslimah (insyallah). she is a very intelligent, pretty, good, caring, loving girl. she is a very valuable gift that Allah has given to me and family & I never regret to have her with me.

3rd - dont worry about the formality for adoption. as long as you have the parents consent (letter or agreement to be signed by parents but mine only the mother signed) everything will be easy & i dont believe the maternal parents can easily claimed their child as the signed letter / agreement stated that they have agreed not to claim the child.

GjOe_aZy said...

Cik Linziana...

cikgu pun manusia juga..bukan malaikat..saya bagi pendapat apa yang saya nampak secara realiti...

Anonymous said...

Byk yg bagi pandangan dari pihak parent kepada anak angkat, tp biar I bagi pandangan mcmana jadi anak angkat.

Dari umur 2 hari I telah dijadikan anak angkat pd my parent angkat lah. Mereka membesarkan I dengan penuh kasih sayang dan tiada beza dari anak sendiri. My parent angkat tu ada anak masing2 dari previous marriage So kiranya I ni anak angkat utk ikatan my parent current marriage. I mmg manja dari kecil. Tak kiralah apa saja yang I nak pasti dpt. Pakaian, makanan, mainan semua nye yg mahal2. My parent angkat ni keturunan org2 atas. So wang ringgit bukan masalah. But let me tell you something, the parent might tell you that they love you and you're theirs but others might not accept you. Pernah sekali I berborak2 dgn sedara2 angkat (anak2 buah my parent angkat) about my new diamond ring yg mak angkat I beli kan utk birthday I. As soon I sampai kat rumah, I received a phone call from one of their brother dan dia ckp, 'yg I tak sedar diri, mintak mcm2. Dah lah anak angkat, nak pakai cincin berlian semua. Or sometimes, oh dia anak angkat iye, tp kenapa dia manja sgt. Mana tak sedih bila I dgr kutukan mcm tu. Apa salahnya anak angkat bermanja dgn parent angkat dia. Ada juga yg suruh I tukar panggilan yg I panggil mama n papa kepada Pak Engku n Mak Engku. Ada juga yg ckp dpn muka I jgn panggil dia by her name tp panggil dia dgan title dia.

Byk benda yg org tak nmpk. Of course lah org nampak I senang. Pakai benda yg branded, rumah semua ada. Tp kutukan dan bisikan dan cara ckp belakang2 tu kkdg mmg menyakitkan hati kita. Depan my parent semua ckp, yup, we're all family. Tp bila nmpk kita ni lebih sikit, semua pun jaki. Selalunya anak2 angkat ni ada feeling a bit inferior. Manalah tak, we think we belong and yet we don't. We might be of a same creed, and yet we're not. Jgn blame budak tu jahat sbb 'keturunan' mak bapak dia. Perangai jahat bukan turun temurun. Kkdg tekanan jiwa yg dtg dari persekitaran yg membuat kita ni jahat. My adopted parent always told me that I'm theirs and will always love me like theirs but they can't control how others will accept you or treat you. Bila nak ambil anak angkat org selalu fikir pros and cons yg akan dirasai oleh parent tp tak byk yg akan fikir perasan budak tu nanti.

Last sekali I nak tegas kan, my parent angkat ada lah sebaik2 punya manusia yg tak lokek dengan kasih sayang, wang ringgit dan masa utk I. I have always love them and appreciated with what they have given me and I truly love them. I brought up my own kids just like they've brought me up....

Peace!

Anonymous said...

another option adopt bby from rumah pelindungn NGO.yg i tau ABIM ada 1 rumah pelindungn wanita & kanak2 kt ampang. kt situ sumer underage pregnt teen yg mmg xnk bby diorg even said if family x force diorg dok umah tuh mmg diorg akan buang bby tu.prosedur nyer mudah n documntation lawyer syarie buat n monitor. 1st kna intrview ngan admin rumah. then meet the family n baby. klu lulus, kna bg wang saguhati for mom (if the mom nk continue study ke nk mulakn new life ke) admin will decide based in our income no mtk2 sukehati then akan ada agreemnt plus surat sumpah later all this will b endorse by mahkamah syariah.surat beranak mmg kna daftar dgn mak kandung later aftr 2 yrs bru g mahkamah sivil utk legalize permanently anak tuh kite punya.bulehla nk tuka nama tuka surat beranak boh nama kite kt ruang ibubapa kanak2.cannot putuskn terus hubungn dgn mak kandung cz adopt bby tu must kenal adik beradik dia yg lain of later mak dia tuh ada anak lg..xmau la jd cam winter sonata nk kawen tuptup adikberadik da..haru..haru..klu bby pompan lak sok nk kawen kna carik wali..the best way, boh dlm agreemnt bleh jumpe 1 kli sethn p hari raya or anto gmba evry bday.another issue is aurat n wuduk,terbaik adalah susukn sendri bby amek hormon klu xpon cari sedara trdekat yg menyusu susukn bby tuh so jd anak susu to our family so solve isu aurat n wuduk.

salyj said...

im sorry i have to agree with Liziana, yes a teacher bukan malaikat or maksum. but once u have that perception towards ur student, ppl will no longer respect u. keep ur judgement towrads ur student to urself pls.

jgn sesekali salahkan keturunan anak angkat if diorg x menjadi, diorg jadi jahat samada fr didikan ataupun dari diri mereka sendiri. bila anak2 dh besar, diorg boleh berfkir utk mengikut ajaran ibu bapa atau tidak. ttp klu ajaran mak ayah menyimpang, dh mcm mana anak2 nak jadi elok? yes keturunan tu maybe penting,but as Linziana said, bayi yg dilahirkan adalah sesuci kain putih..

Verde, if la u nak adopt ur own child, pls bfeed that child then the child will be urs, later if u ade anak2 seniri, diorg lgsg xboleh claim yg tu bukan adik beradik diorg. papepun, i hope the best for you. and yes there is no right or wrong answer for this issue.

cheers :)

Dr Mama said...

ladyverde.bravo u hv done the right thing! i think u shd adopt anak omputih kat sini belambak.. ;) good luck!

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